Your Identity is What Defines You

I heard something today that was so wonderful it nearly moved me to tears.

If you know me, you will know that I am kind of a sap! I cry during commercials, and when I read sentimental greeting cards! So sometimes it doesn’t take much for me to cry… but this is POWERFUL stuff and I want to share it with you!!!

In his Audible book The Hero’s 2 Journeys, (with Christopher Vogler) Michael Hauge talks about “character development” in screen plays … and this relates perfectly to our personal lives as well.

Your “Identity” is what describes you: This includes things like your background, your upbringing, your family, your heritage, status, beliefs, habits, your job, your ego and your pride. It’s what you use to ‘define’ yourself.

It’s also how other people see you… their ‘first impression’ of you.

Shrek said “Ogres are like ONIONS. They’ve got LAYERS!”
… layers of protection! And we are no different.
Shrek didn’t want Fiona to see him as his true Ogre self. He was afraid she wouldn’t love him!

Your “identity” will protect you! It is a false front that keeps you safe from the potential pain that’s terrifying.

Why is there so much fear of showing others who you truly are?
Because, stripping away the armor exposes you to the chance that you might be hurt again!

Without this protection you become vulnerable…

But if you could strip away ALL of those things,
all of the superficial characteristics that you hide behind…
the things you think ‘define’ you…

If you strip them all away,

what you’re left with is your “Essence”! (Isn’t that a beautiful word!!!)
It’s what makes you YOU. It’s your “Higher Self”.

And when you’re willing to be vulnerable, you can BE who you truly ARE,
and other people can connect with you on a deep and genuine level.

To get what you want in life you need to give up being bound to your “Identity”…
the layers that you hide behind. All of the pretences…

Giving this up can be super scary.
It’s literally the “death” of who you ‘thought’ you were.

The death of your “identity” is essential in order for you to discover your “essence”.

Michael Hauge goes on to say that in any love story (movie, novel, or in real life), there is usually one person who falls in love with the “essence” of the other person!

They can see beyond the layers, deeper than the “identity” that you hide behind.
To your core. To your “essence”. They believe in the beauty inside you, even when you don’t believe in yourself.

I had a difficult period in my relationship with my husband a few years ago. I weighed 220 lb, was unhealthy, and was a very miserable and unhappy person inside.

My husband and I fought a lot, mostly about money, and I secretly thought almost non-stop about getting a divorce. I told him that I couldn’t be around him anymore and that I’d be happier living alone in a one bedroom place and sleeping on the floor.

Everything he said or did annoyed me. So I slept in the guest bedroom in our basement, and spent as little time with him as possible. I busied myself with my Photography business, edited photos until 2:00 in the morning, volunteered on three boards, and went out with my girlfriends. I didn’t tell anyone what I was going through in my personal life. I was super fun to be with and outgoing and happy when I was away from home! But I was living a double life.

Then one day, as I was about to run out the door again, just desperate to get away from him during yet another argument… I told my husband I wanted a divorce.
I couldn’t take it anymore!

… and he looked at me with such a sad face, and said,

“ I have a problem.”

“I still love you!”

I cry when I think back on that! (see, I told you I’m a sap!)

Because I had been a real “b-word” toward him for years. I was mean to him and only noticed all of the mistakes he made, and pointed out all the things he did that annoyed me. I was NOT nice to be around… I had been behaving very MUCH like an Ogre!

and despite all of that… he still ‘loved me’! How is that even possible?

That’s why this concept of ‘essence’ is so powerful for me! My husband could SEE something that was beautiful in me, even when I was being so ugly and nasty towards him.

As you have probably guessed, the problem was not about him. It was with me! I’ve come a long way since then! And Kelly and I are even closer now than we were when we first got married.

Life can be messy at times! This leads to “character development” alright (in keeping with the screen play theme)!

There are beliefs, and habits, and ‘layers’ that we hide behind, and you are truly blessed if you have someone in your life who can see your true ‘essence’ and believe in you!

Now… years later, this is what I find so powerful about being a Coach for others!

It’s ‘easy’ to remain in your comfort zone, to make excuses and say ‘that’s just the way I am!’, and just put up with to the limiting beliefs that rattle around inside your head.

What a Coach will do for you is give you a glimpse into your true ‘essence’, and once you start to see who you TRULY are, deep down, beyond all of those protective layers… you can begin to discover your potential… and there’s no going back!

Here begins the death of the superficial you, and the birth of the GENUINE you.

Here’s to discovering
Your “ESSENCE”! <3

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